It's Drew Time

So those of you who know me personally also likely know my roommate Drew, an over controlling pessimistic social unknown. Oh also short fused. Two of these I had very little idea about until I moved in with him, but I make by. So early on in our rooming discover he lacks the idea of personal space. This isn't just a small thing like looking over my shoulder or taking my stuff, I'm fine with that. No it's when I'm talking to someone over skype or some online chat service and he steals my keyboard while I'm typing. At this point he will begin conversing with the person upon the other end... He has these same people available to him on his own computer, which is on, but no just takes over for about 10 min. Stealing  in this entails pushing me down to the desk and hovering over me, if I attempt to push him off, I get a nice strong hit to the head. During a conversation, he frequently interrupts to tell you that you are wrong and then proceeds to say what you were saying, so I don't really get a word in edge wise at this point.

Speaking of communication, he seems to know every little thing about pronunciation. Even if your pronunciation is a little off TIME TO CORRECT, and you can never do it right... It feels like I'm in Stalin's Soviet Union, and the KGB sleeps in the same room as I do. He even seems to have Stalin's ruthlessness. One night I try to go to sleep and so he straps my to my bed with belts and then decides no its not enough, what more could there by to add.... AHA THE BAMBOO STICK, just a note this bamboo stick has a sharpened end that gets point towards my neck literally 2 inches away. Hmmm nope still not good enough. AHA MUSIC STAND!!. Yes he has a music stand points the top, again right at my neck. Now I'm sure many are thinking, why didn't you just try to get out, well again if I attempt to he shoves me back down and slaps me. I'm generally a nice person about these things, I'll let people screw around with me it's ok, but there is a point where it becomes too much.

At around 3AM, because now he's finished tying shit to me, I'm able to push out the bamboo stick. It is at this point I feel like James Bond or Indiana Jones getting out at the last moment from a tight bondage. Drew hears this in the other room, and he barges in like Glenn Beck hearing Obama making a speech (bad analogy?, too bad I don't care). It is at this point I take the stick I had just freed from the binds and point it straight at him signalling, "You come near me I swear I will beat you to within an inch of your life HAHA how fun does that sound?"  That night I am proud to say I got 2 hours of sleep and still made it to my 7:30 chem lecture. OH I almost forgot the reason for this whole journey down the road of hades. His reason for it all was to stop me from moving in my sleep... let that sink in... because I move in my sleep, he felt it necessary to make that if I move I get stabbed in the throat by two different objects at the same time, one to puncture, and the other to make sure the hole gets infected by splinters, and I don't smoke so the hole would be all for not.

While on the subject of sleeping and Drew, remember how I described him as overly controlling? Well how would you feel if someone told you that you whispered one word while sleeping? I would imagine most people would just brush it off or have a good laugh about it. Why? Because there's nothing that can be done about it, YOU'RE ASLEEP! But Drew, oooh no, everything has to be perfect. When he got told he whispered a word while asleep he snapped. It was one of those moments when you say something and then instantly realize that it will come back very soon. Watching him that few moments after words would have been funny though, I liken it to what would've happened when Obama heard that Pelosi knew about the water boarding. Sit back down, then eyes dart open and a wave of anger flushes over. After a minute of him pondering it over he slams open our door and I just see his music stand flying through the air as is it were a bird just learning to fly to then immediately plow into Jay's and Sean's door and fall to the ground in a graceless heap. Drew then proceeds to stomp out of the room and beat me and whip me with his keys. The whole time Jay is sitting next to me watching the whole thing like a frightened squirrel, and I'm now feeling like I said something wrong to Xena (the freaking princess warrior). Drew continues on his little tantrum by throwing his stand around a bit more, which has probably now seen some parts of the room I don't know about, and then yells at us asking about what he said. When told he ends it with another slap to the head.

Why only beat up on me?? Jay was right there as well? But no, the purpose behind hitting me is to teach me to stop talking in my sleep because apparently that uncontrollable aspect of oneself is transferable. Who knew?

And now for something completely related.


As if all that weren't messed up enough, Drew finds it fun to catalog what occurs while I'm sleeping, yes this means he watches me sleep. As told above I have tendencies to move and talk in my sleep. There is a running story line about my dreams, because I can't ever remember them Drew tells me about them. So far the few noted things I have said are as follows "Jump. Jump.", "Just do it.", "Muffins.", "That's it, that's good.", and finally to make it more confusing "Capybara." Drew has a very sick idea of how these can be put together. So the story originally was that I was convincing a capybara I named "Muffins" to commit suicide by jumping.  A friend of mine suggested a much better interpretation. I am, according to her, training my capybara, Muffins, to jump . So I am now training in animal endurance. Which makes more sense considering last night, this one I woke up in the middle of. I think I was saying something about building a maze for mice, I'm sure Drew recorded it so I'll ask him when he wakes up. Stay tuned for updates.

Along with the talking, I move. Apparently I do sit-ups in my sleep, have to be serious about training of course (it explains some mornings when I have sore abs though). It isn't just that though, oh no. Have to make sure everything is nice and limber ready for anything, so I also push against the wall while sleeping. All these observations have been made by Drew and are apart of his current study entitled The Actions of The Sleeping Mind and Their Effects on One's Quality of Sleep. Any data taken from this post will be referred to the SSA (Scientific Standards Advising) and swift punishment will be awarded to the one making said observations as they are in violation of scientific procedures, as well as common courtesy. See that lady, she's the one that will punish them. She may seem old and frail, but that just means she has experience at such things. Don't do anything to make her mad or your life will become such a living Hell that the only thing you will wish for is death by killer bees. Ponder that for a moment before making your decision.

UPDATE TIME: So yes I did talk about a maze, but that's not how I woke up last night. I woke up when I shouted "LET'S DO IT AGAIN!" This occurred at 5am when Drew had just gotten in to bed. It was a rather strange feeling to randomly awaken while speaking. As soon as I finished talking I wasn't sure what I was saying, but I knew I had said something. Also when discussing the maze (I was still asleep at this time) I was talking to or about Charlie, a very good friend of mine I met here at Davis. See his blog about his new ecological niche in life.